You’ve Got to Love Yourself First?

https://poly.land/2020/02/24/they-tell-you-to-love-yourself-first-but-support-systems-are-a-huge-advantage/

In the article I linked above, Page talks about how it’s complete bullshit that you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. I agree. On a deeply personal level, I strongly agree. I have struggled immensely with loving myself. My sense of self-worth has had some serious ebbs and flows over the course of my life and I have not always loved myself. Currently, most days I’m able to love myself, but even now I have days when I just can’t see why anyone else would love me. By that standard then, I should have a hard time loving others, but that’s just not true. I have so much love to give, as anyone who really knows me is well aware. I’m demonstrative with my love. My friends get kisses and hugs, they get support when they need it, and they can count on me to validate them with my love whenever they need it. The same can be said for my family, at least the ones that bother to act like family.

I have so much love to give that I practice polyamory because my heart overflows with love and I need to share it. But alongside that, I need that support network of multiple people who love me. You see, I don’t always love myself, so I often turn to those I care about to validate me as a person worthy of love. Maybe that sounds needy to some of you, but for me, and for many other people who struggle with self-esteem issues, it’s incredibly important to be able to turn to those you care about and ask for validation without fear of rejection.

The internet is full of bullshit articles like this one that will say you need to be able to self-validate, that asking for validation is a flaw. I don’t buy that. Feeling insecure is natural, questioning yourself is natural. Sure, we can always strive to improve and do some self-reflection and grow and love ourselves, but that shit doesn’t happen overnight. If you need to know that you’re a good person, that you’re kind, that you’re smart, that you’re valued, that you deserve happiness, or whatever it might be, you should not be ashamed to ask for validation. Open and honest communication is key to any good relationship and that includes having the option to be vulnerable and ask for validation.

I don’t always love me, but I always love. I struggle with self-love. And that’s okay.

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